All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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