when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
