My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
