He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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