You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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