I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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