dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
