It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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