come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
