Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
