Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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