speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
