we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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