WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
