Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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