he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
