I wannas sexs uuuuu
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize