so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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