saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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