mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
