Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
