Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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