So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When are your genitals available?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
