i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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