do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
