Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
