I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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