so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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