I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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