This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
