While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
