just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
