Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
