When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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