I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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