Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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