Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
