I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
