Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
