Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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