batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize