So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
