there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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