Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
