So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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