Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
