Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
