you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
