i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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