Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
