And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize