I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
