why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
