Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
