Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
