I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I would fuck him just for his dog
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize