We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
