So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
