he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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