Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
