Swine flu. Run for my life!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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