if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
