Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so explain again why im purple
no
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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