How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
