just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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