Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize