R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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