The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
