shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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